


You make my thighs want to socially distance

by J_Constantine



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Don't Read This, F/F, Implied Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29015277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Constantine/pseuds/J_Constantine
Summary: Hermione matches with Bellatrix on Tinder and the whole thing is a lead up a punchline.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Bellatrix Black Lestrange
Comments: 5
Kudos: 146





	You make my thighs want to socially distance

'Bellatrix is a weird name.' Hermione cringed when she read it back to herself, she hadn't meant for it to sound mean, it was meant to be a playful jab, a 'funny' introduction, but now she had to wait and see if she got a reply. 

Admittedly she wasn't well versed in the art of texting pretty women but the pandemic had forced her to adapt if she wanted to meet new people, Tinder being what her friends suggested, but she felt so out of place among the jaw dropping, 'Prom Queen' beauties. 

Her profile had been set up by Ginny, most of it was true, only a little bit exaggerated in parts to make her seem more fun, she had chosen a cute pic of herself wearing a Griffindor jumper and her 'hipster' glasses but Ginny insisted it wasn't eye-catching enough, "People barely look at your profile Hermione, you have a second maybe two before they swipe, you need them to swipe the right way if you want a chance to start texting them."

After a few minutes of looking through her phone Hermione found an old picture of her in the bathroom of a neon lit club, wearing a gold cocktail dress that barely came down to the tops of her knees. Her hair had been straightened out and let down over her shoulders, her lips were a Guardsman red, she had forgotten about that night. 

Her 21st birthday, everyone had come in their house colours, it was the most make-up she'd ever worn, not that it was a lot but she had never been one for 'dressing up'. Hermione had to admit, with that picture and the mostly real profile Ginny had made up, she didn't look too bad, on paper. 

The matches came flooding in over the next few days, mostly guys, some being as blunt as, "Send nudes?" while others held out until the third text before asking to see her naked. Although some of her matches were girls, a lot of them not forward enough for their own good, they seemed to be 'experimenting' and that just wasn't what Hermione was looking for, then she found Bellatrix. 

Her dark hair combined with the black and white filter made her stand out from the rest of the nearly identical profiles. The way her head was slightly tilted to one side, confident eyes staring straight at the camera, eyebrow quirked, almost daring Hermione to fall into her trap, she looked good, and worse than that, she knew it. 

Hermione had sent her text, Ginny had told her to 'shoot her shot', and now she was watching the news, still wondering why she thought, "Bellatrix is a weird name," was going to get such a gorgeous woman's attention. Her phone buzzed and Hermione was surprised that Bellatrix had texted back, there's no way that worked, right? 

H: Bellatrix is a weird name. 

B: Yeah, it is, so why don't you call me Bella instead? 

Hermione thought about what she was typing this time, being more careful with her tone. 

H: Okay, Bella, why did you reply to such a stupid text? 

B: You look pretty hot in your pics, why? You didn't want me to? 

Hot? Bella thinks I'm hot? I've got to ask if it's just a normal complement. 

H: You think I'm hot? 

B: Yeah, you surprised? 

H: A little. Especially coming from someone as good looking as you. 

B: Is this when you start the compliments and pick up lines? 

Hermione didn't know how to respond, she thought giving a woman compliments was a good thing to do, but maybe not? She also didn't normally use pick up lines, they had always seemed too rude or not funny enough to work, but maybe she should start?

H: Do you want me to? 

B: Sure, gimme your best one. 

After a quick Google Hermione settled on a harmless one, hopefully it's good enough. 

H: I'm not a chef but you are looking tasty.

B: That's it? Kind of a let down. Is that all you got? 

Hermione decided to think of one herself this time, it took a bit longer but she felt it was better. 

H: Your DM's aren't the only thing I'll be in by the end of the night. 

B: That's an improvement but I'm sure you can use your mouth for more than just pick up lines.

Was Bella flirting back? Was she just playing along for fun? Hermione decided to keep going and in the hopes it was wasn't just that. 

H: And your voice would be better used moaning my name. 

B: The only name on my lips will be whoever is driving me home. 

Driving me home? Was she at a party? At a club? Or was she just trying to keep the game going? This was well outside Hermione's usual attempts at asking girls out but Bella clearly wasn't a usual girl. 

H: Well names won't be the only thing on your lips. 

B: How do you plan on getting close with the whole social distancing thing? 

Even as Hermione typed out the next line she was thinking, 'Is this too much? Will she back off?' but she also knew there was only one way to know. 

H: You make my thighs want to socially distance. 

B: Wow. Just…Wow. Didn't see that coming. 

H: So, wanna go on a date?


End file.
